The Hardest Part
by shakita45
Summary: Somewhat AU. A collection of one shots from the characters of Yu Yu Hakusho. Some of my original ideas, events, and characters included. PLEASE READ!
1. The Hardest Part

The Hardest Part

Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, but I own Emma! She's my girl!

Foreword- Okay, before you read this, I'm going to have to do some explaining. This is a fanfic that was brought on by a RP I'm doing with one of my best friends.

In this RP, Botan and Koenma get married and have a daughter. Because of unknown reasons, Koenma puts a spell on their daughter, Emma, when she was 8 years old, turning her into an 18 year old. Emma was gifted with super-human intelligence, so she was 18 on the inside, and now her body is caught up with her.

And, that's about all you need to know before you read! Thank you!

The Hardest Part

Botan's POV

The hardest part of being a mother, is watching my child, my daughter, suffer. And know that I cannot do anything to help her. I've never once punished her. I've never been that good of a parental figure. I know that she had it rough, having to fend for herself, and I hate myself for putting her through this.

But, as I watch her lay sleeping in her bed, her arms draped over her injured stomach, looking like a sleeping doll, I wonder. I think.

Why did she turn out like this? With this inability to hate. She's so forgiving. She insists on carrying the burdens on her own. She wants someone to depend on her. I don't talk to her about it.

She's strong emotionally, but not physically. She's small and weak. She tries to act strong. She doesn't want to burden us. She wants to suffer on her own. It makes my heart ache to watch her carry on the way she does.

She's like a rose, in some ways. Pretty to look at, but painful to touch. She draws away from others because she's afraid of being hurt. She was always picked on at school. She never said anything.

She just smiled.

I wonder how many times she smiled at me, her face shining, how many times that smile was fake. How many times it was just a mask to hide the pain and sorrow she felt from being shunned. They would hurt her. I saw the bruises on her stomach. She just gave me her normal smile and told me she had just tripped.

She was being abused by her upperclassmen, but she didn't fight back. She didn't hate them. She didn't complain. She took the pain willingly. She never cried. She kept silent, her real emotions hidden behind a perfectly constructed mask.

As a mother, this is the hardest thing in the world for me to watch. But, she wants to handle it on her own. So I let her. Her spirit is free, like a leaf on the wind. That's why it makes sense she can fly on an oar like I can.

She is probably one of the most complex, and yet simple people I have been blessed to know. She stands firm on her beliefs, and is incredibly stubborn. But at the same time, she is timid and submissive.

All the abuse at school has marred her reactions. The only time I ever see her mask slip off, is when she's with him.

Yes, him.

He's been with our group for some time now, and yet I know almost next to nothing about him.

Emma's in love with him.

I almost hate her for it. She's tearing herself apart inside to stay by his side. He's not very nice to her sometimes. He can be downright cruel. He's hurt her numerous times. That's why she's in bed right now, her dreams plagued by a burden she doesn't have to carry.

He doesn't mean to hurt her. It's his other side, the darker side, that sometimes emerges and attacks her. She doesn't cry, she doesn't scream, she remains silent untill he lets her go. That's how Koenma and I found her today, laying in a pool of her own blood.

I guess it might make sense if I told you who 'he' is, wouldn't it?

Hiei.

I don't know why Emma is so drawn to him. Why she's so faithful to him. Even after everything he's said and done, she still loves him.

It absolutely blows my mind.

Is she even sane? This is HIEI we're talking about here. She knows everything about him; what he's done, what he used to be, and she still doesn't care.

But Emma has done things that none of us ever expected. She's made Hiei smile, laugh, and in today's case, cry.

I didn't think Hiei could feel the emotion sadness. Even when Yukina was murdered, all he expressed was pure, blind fury.

But today, after he got ahold of his body when he had nearly run Emma through with his own claws. He almost went insane.

Henearly committed suicide. All because he hurt her! He worries about her, I can tell. But I don't think he know how Emma feels about him. How can he not? He must be completly blind. I knew from the first time I saw her smile at him. It was a real smile. Not the fake smiles I'd been seeing when I'd pick her up from school.

And even though Koenma hates Hiei for what he did to Emma, Emma's not even angry. She's worried about him, even though I'm afraid that she'll die from blood loss.

Is this a cruel joke of fate? These two people who seem so dependent upon each other, will be constantly forced through these horrible epidemics.

I'm afraid for the both of them. Hiei can't cope with his emotions as well as Emma can, in my opinion. If he commits suicide, or dies, I don't think Emma could stand it.

Dying on the inside is worse then dying physically. She's so completly dependent on him being there for her. She doesn't care if he yells at her, or tells her to leave, she stays. Like a puppy.

It absolutely breaks my heart to see the two of them together. I never know when he will snap at her unexpectedly or attack her.

But I, like Emma, can't bring myself to hate him. I want to help them, but Emma hardly ever sees me, and Hiei refuses all help altogether.

Emma's emotional breakdowns, the few she has, I can deal with. She's a girl and my daughter.

But Hiei, he just seems so lost sometimes. Completly gone. I can sense what he feels sometimes. The same way Emma can. He reminds me of the lost souls I take back to Spirit World.

These souls...they stay on earth for no reason. They have something that holds them there. They don't even know what it is sometimes. It's the hardest think in the world to drag them away, their gaunt faces and pain filled eyes staring at the world that they're leaving.

I'm afraid that one of these days, Emma and Hiei will become like these spirits. Unable to let go and accept their fate.

It scares me to imagine my daughter, and the person she treasures most in the world, being torn apart by fate.

All I can do is wait and pray that they will be able to be together in the end. Be it in life or death.

Only fate, cruel fate, can decide that.

END

Author's Note: Was it sad? My editor was in tears at the end. I'm trying to work on my emotional writing. So, what do you think. Love it, hate it? I wanna know what you think! Untill next time, cya!

shakita45


	2. Break My Heart Again

1Break My Heart Again

Disclaimer- Well...since all this is mine...I own nothing anyways.

Foreword- Just a REALLY short little fic I wrote about Emma and Hiei. Once again, trying to work on my descriptive writing. I hope you enjoy!

I don't know how I can stand it.

I told myself that it wouldn't matter to me weather or not you could return my feelings or not. I was lying to myself. I can't stand it. I don't know how long I can be content to follow after you, to watch you from a distance. To hide the inner pain with laughter and smiles.

Every time you act like you love me, only to turn around and hurt me, I don't know what to do. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to be mad at you, I want to hate you.

But I can't.

I should have listened to my mother. I should've left you when my heart wasn't bound to you. She said I could do so much better then you, that you'd only bring me pain and suffering.

It hurts. It does. To know, that you know my feelings, but you never say anything. You act completly oblivious.

You jerk me around, like a puppet. I try not to cry, try not to let it hurt, Try to shake it off. Try to tell myself that you don't mean it.

I have trouble doing it now.

I have no doubt that I love you. I have no doubt I'll continue to love you, untill I breath my last. But, I don't know how long I can be with you, as constant and faithful as a puppy.

Being around you rips my heart to shreds. It hurts to watch you, shielding yourself from everything, everyone, refusing to let anyone through the walls you've built.

I want nothing more then to break the walls, to go and help you. I want to be there for you when you're sad, when you're angry, when you're scared.

But you push me away.

You don't have to be alone. Why can't you just see? It breaks my heart time and time again to see you try to carry the burden on your own.

I just want to help. I want you to let me love you. My own heart can take so much more, this abuse has only made it numb. It still hurts, but I look through it, keeping my eyes on you.

I can't leave you. You may call me worthless, stupid, ignorant, but I still stay. I follow when you tell me to leave.

And I still follow you, and you break my heart again.


	3. The Father I'll Never Have

The Father I'll Never Have

Disclaimer- I own nothing, so bug off.

Foreword- Oh feh, this isn't nearly as good as 'The Hardest Part'. But, I get these urges to write an emotional piece sometimes, so I've decided to make this an on-going collection of one-shots! Whoop de doodle for me.

Anwyways, enjoy!

The Father I'll Never Have

Emma's POV

When I was born, I was raised by my single mother. It wasn't easy, but we made things work. For the first 5 years of my life, we lived with mother's closest friends, and my guardians if anything were to happen to me, Kayko and Yusuke Urameshi.

I've always been overly-intelligent, a child-genius. When I was three, mother, Kayko, and Yusuke told me everything. About mother being a ferry-girl on the river Styx, Spirit World, Yusuke the Spirit Detective, that Kurama and Hiei were demons. It didn't scare me, or surprise me.

I started school shortly after I was gifted with the knowledge of Spirit World. I was confident. I knew everything that anyone in 5th grade should know. I could read, write, solve quadratic equations. I was proud of my abilities.

But people treated me differently. The girls all stayed away from me, and the boys teased me mercilessly. I had one friend, Nikki. But I couldn't let her be harmed because of me.

When I skipped up to third grade classes, I was attacked by a group of 5th grade boys. That first time, I screamed and cried. I begged them to stop hurting me. They hit me harder then. They made sure to not touch me anywhere that would show injury.

As time progressed, and the beatings became clockwork, I learned to keep my mouth shut. Nikki was weak, that I knew. I didn't want her to have to endure what I did every day.

I couldn't bother mother either. She had just gotten a new job, and we rented an apartment. It was tough on her, I know. She missed dad. So many days I'd come home from school, sometimes limping, and see her staring out the window, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

I couldn't hate him, because I didn't remember him. Kayko told me that my mother came back from Spirit World, she was pregnant with me. She gave birth here on earth, hasn't been back to Spirit World nor heard from father since.

So I dreamed about him. No one ever spoke of him. When they did, I was sent from the room. I'd never seen a picture of him, I didn't even know his name.

But I kept going. I had mother. I had my second set of parents, Yusuke and Kayko. There was Shezuru, the big sister I'd always wanted.

And Hiei.

When I was little, he was like a surrogate brother. He looked out for me, but was constantly teasing me and calling me short. Like he's one to talk.

But, life went on. It took a normal pattern. Wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, get the living shit beaten out of me, come home and do my homework, fix dinner, mom comes home at 7, and go to bed. It was nothing extravagant, but it was my life.

One day, a day we were out of school, mother left me in the care of Kayko and Yusuke. She left for work, like always. Shezuru had come over to visit, and I spent the day playing with her. Finally, mother came to pick me up. We walked down the street hand-in-hand.

The next thing I knew, I was fading away. I was dimly aware of my mother's voice screaming my name. The next thing I knew, I was in a large room with an ogre!

My mind was frozen for the moment, but I made the connection. Spirit World, perhaps? The ogre told me I was the princess. The daughter of Koenma, son of the king of Spirit World.

Koenma. My father.

I told the ogre I wanted to see him. He told me that was impossible. I did the only thing a normal 8 year old would do. I sat down and started to cry.

Not long after that, my mother came bursting through the doors. She scooped me up, turned, and ran back the way she came. She collided with another person. The person turned and shoved us back into the room, hurrying in after us.

Mother and I landed in a pile of pillows. I clambered out first. I looked at the person who had save us.

The way he looked at me then, both of us seeing each other for the first time. I was looking at my father.

Of course, him not being around for the first 8 years of my life affected our relationship. His end of the relationship more then mine. He was tense around me.

He didn't know how to be a father.

I don't blame him. I hate my grandfather, King Yama. He's not a very nice person.

He's the one who made me a frikkin hybrid; but that's a story for another day.

I always accepted what my father told me to do, and held it to be the absolute truth.

When he transformed me into an 18 year old, so my body fit my brain, I knew he wanted what was best for me. When he and mother left to go back to Spirit World, leaving me to fend, mostly, on my own, I didn't care.

But, it still hurts.

When I walk down the street, and see little girls going to the park with their fathers, I look back at my youth mournfully. Would that have changed anything? His presence that is.

He could have put forth a little more effort to be with us. I remember wishing on every shooting star and birthday candle, to please let him come back to us.

But no, we had to come to him.

I don't hate him now. But I can't say for sure I love him. He's my father, and he'll always have my love as a daughter, but I'm not sure I'll love him as me, Emma.

He's not a bad person either. He really tries, I know he does. He worries about me, cares about what happens to me. He loves me.

But when I look at him, even though I'm smiling, I know what I'm looking at.

The father that I'll never have.

Author's Note- Shot but sweet. I've never written a father-daughter type thing before, so I think this went okay for my first try. I've not gotten many reviews on the first piece, so maybe it sucked.

I just hope that I'm not making an idiot of myself by posting these.

shakita45


	4. Forbidden

Forbidden

Disclaimer: I own nothing, cept Emma of course.

Foreword: I got this idea because of a Hiei AMV. I don't know how OOC he is in this fic, but, oh well.

Hiei's POV

I am the forbidden child.

I've known that all my life.

After being banished from Koorime, it's only been one blow after the other. Everyone putting the same label on me, not even trying to see inside me.

I didn't want them to.

I'm so afraid of anyone, even people who want to help me, know what I feel. That would make me vulnerable to them. They could use it to manipulate me.

So I remain guarded.

I don't protect people. I help Yukina out on the odd occasion, but the rest of the group absolutely loves her, so they're always quick to jump to her aid.

I was alone.

But then...Botan had a baby.

A baby girl, to be exact.

I had no idea what would come of this, a simple human child. From the very beginning, I could tell she was different from other humans, and yet she was no demon, or a spirit being like her father.

She was always infatuated with me as a child, always smiling up at me with those innocent child-like eyes.

I pitied her.

She was shunned and labeled like I was, because she was different in a society where everyone is the same. She was beaten at school by the other children.

She never once complained. She always smiled and went on with her life.

The first time I saw the vulnerability in her eyes as she walked home from school, I wanted nothing more then to reassure her that everything would work out eventually.

Who am I kidding, I still haven't worked things out.

I found out, Kurama and I, that there were people after her and her family. Humans, who wanted the strange family to be put out of existence.

Koenma was going to go pull her out of school to tell her what was going on.

I went in his place.

I still have no idea what possessed me to go and get her. Maybe the similarity I'd felt between us was taking effect.

When I arrived at the school, she was standing at the from gate with one of her friends, crying.

I didn't know what I was supposed to be feeling. I felt numb. I'd never seen her cry, not even as a baby.

I went over to them. As soon as she acknowledged my presence, she dried her tears, looking ashamed to have showed such an emotion to anyone.

As I lead her away, she asked no questions. She followed me wordlessly, her sad eyes to the ground.

When she asked what was happening, I answered. There was no need to put off the inevitable.

Her maturity never seeks to amaze me. She didn't cry, or be afraid. She accepted the information with open arms, not bothering to fight with fate.

At that moment, I let my control on my emotions drop. I knelt next to her, pulling her into an embrace.

She was shocked by my actions, but not nearly as shocked as I was. I had no idea what I was doing. When I let her go, I stood and took her small hand in mine, walking the rest of the way to her father.

That was the first time I'd felt anything but pity for her. I couldn't say it was love then, but it was affection of some sort.

But then, Koenma changed her.

Right before my eyes, she was transformed into an 18 year old.

That really threw me into a loop.

Suddenly, her appearance matched her maturity.

After that, things only got worse for me.

I was determined to never love anyone. I distanced myself from everyone, even Yukina. I had to many secrets, to many people out to get me, and harm the people I held dear.

I was afraid to face the emotional pain of losing the person I held closest.

She followed me from the beginning. Like a lost puppy, trailing behind me.

I made the mistake and told her about my banishment from Koorime.

What had I wanted, for her to turn away from me? Did I want her pity?

It wasn't pity she showed me. It was compassion.

I was completly shocked. I'd figured anyone who heard that chapter of my past would turn tail and run away from me.

If anything, it only fueled her to stay closer. She was afraid for me to leave her sight for more then a few moments.

At first, this annoyed me. I didn't want the emotional attachment between me and this...human girl.

She had demons after her. Loads of them. She had a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I wanted nothing more then to protect her.

At first, I did this because I felt I owed her and her family something.

But then, one day, I wasn't there quite in time, and someone else came to her rescue after being knocked from her oar in the sky.

The sight of her in another man's arms made my blood boil. The jealousy in me only built when other men would be kind to her, or offer her the attention I never did.

She never returned their feelings, never once. She seemed to be saving herself for someone. Someone else.

Things only got worse. It seemed whenever I was around, the danger she was in would only be multiplied. So, I left.

When I finally returned, Botan told me that she had come to the point of suicide.

I was shocked.

What was wrong with this girl? I was cursed for god's sake! Anyone who got too close to me would almost indefinantly be killed.

I was right.

I had held her to close to me, unconsciously, and this was almost the end of me.

Mind controlling demons are everywhere. I had the tendency to run into those.

Because of those damn demons, I almost strangled her twice.

The last encounter with a mind controller, I stabbed her. She never once fought back from me. The sight of her blood staining my hands snapped the control on my mind.

The sight of her, face contorted in pain; pain that I cause, was emotional overload. I wanted nothing more then to die, then to end this gnawing on my concious.

She stopped me.

Even in her current state, she was more worried about me then she was herself.

And her affection twords me only seemed to increase from there. Occasionally, I would lose control of myself and give into my selfish desires. I'd allow myself to kiss her, to hold her.

After that, I was so furious with myself, I used my anger as fuel to hurt her. I wanted her to hate me, to forget me.

She deserves so much more. Much more, then anything else I could ever give her.

It hurts to see her in pain because of something I've said or done to her.

But the damn stubborn girl won't hate me. She refuses to get mad at me, or blame anything on me.

Why can't she understand?

I shouldn't feel this way about anyone. I deserve to be alone. I don't deserve to be in love. None the less with the princess of Spirit World.

I'm darkness. I'm shunned. I hate, I inflict pain. I don't love.

She's light. She forgives without though. She can't kill another being. She stays constantly by my side.

I know I hurt her.

But, since I'm darkness, that's what I'm supposed to do.

Even though it kills me inside.

END

Author's Note: Like it? Hate it? Review please!


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